Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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