Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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