Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
