Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
jump out the window naked night went bad
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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