Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
