I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
