I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
