she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
