I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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