and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
