Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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