I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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