So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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