You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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