I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
