12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
