Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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