What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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