I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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