his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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