Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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