All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
