i think i have herpe
just one?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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