theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
