I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
