I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
