i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
