I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
