his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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