My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
