So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
