guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
