How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize