Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
