he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
