Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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