I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Text me some of your sweat
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
