Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
