I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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