I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
