someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
