Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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