The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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