Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You're like the curious george of whores
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
