I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
