So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
