I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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