he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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