That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
