and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
