do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize