How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I cut my penus on the lid.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
