I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
