Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
