i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
