We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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