On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
