Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize