dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
