I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize