I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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