Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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