After last night, I could never be a politician.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize