1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
