this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
