Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
