dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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