I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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