I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
All the doctor said was why
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
