my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
